Make It Make Sense
As I’m typing this blog, we’ve just entered a new year. January is considered a busy season in my industry for many reasons- New Years resolutions, a renewed sense of hope that things will turn around, recovery from the hectic holidays, children going to back to school, and resuming our schedules and routines. I have the pleasure of meeting new clients and reconnecting with clients who’ve taken a temporary break. And I also get to introduce several clients to therapy for the first time ever.
I love what I do! I’m passionate about this field because I’ve witnessed firsthand the power of great therapy. In fact, if you get a small group of therapists in a room, (without violating HIPPA, of course) we could talk for hours about the ways our clients amaze us. We love bragging about all the ways our clients are breaking generational curses, healing their childhood trauma, overcoming shame, and building healthier relationships. But sometimes we get so caught up in what we’re doing that we end up confusing clients with our therapy speak, especially those new to therapy.
I am guilty of this.
When I started my master’s program in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, I needed to prove to myself and others that I was a competent therapist. So, I spoke to my classmates and professors in ways that weren’t authentic to me. I used phases like “sitting with it” and “doing the work” because those phrases felt like something a competent therapist would say. And I also watched a lot of “Iyanla Fix My Life” in the early 2000s so it was a hard habit to break. I found myself amping up the “therapy speak” in situations where I felt insecure such as group supervision sessions, peer consultation meetings, and/or internship interviews. This continued until one particular agency job where I was met with a lot of blank stares.
In other words, my “therapy speak” was boring, alienating, and confusing.
Years later, I still find myself doing this from time to time. Old habits are hard to break! So, I wanted to veer away from a typical “therapy blog topic” and break down common “therapy speak” phrases. If you’re a therapist or client, see if you find any that you’ve heard during a session!
Do the work: doing something that you’ve been avoiding because it’s hard or makes you extremely uncomfortable
Sit with it: not distracting yourself when you’re uncomfortable, sad, angry, or any other strong emotion
Processing: talking about something with another person who can help you see patterns, discrepancies, blind spots, etc.
What’s coming up for you?: What are you thinking about as we talk about this particular topic?
Emotionally regulated: In a calm, neutral state; relaxed and in control of your emotions
Emotionally dysregulated: Distressed, rapidly changing emotions, little sense of control over emotions (child throwing a temper tantrum)
Emotionally attuned: so connected with another that you notice small changes/shifts in their mood
Unpack that: tell me more about that
How’s this sitting/landing with you?: What do you think about what I just said?
Self-care: treating yourself the way you’d treat a loved one
Self-compassion: having the same patience and grace with yourself as you would for a child that you love
To the clients who were patient with me in my early days, especially the agency clients, I appreciate your grace and those dead pan stares! Thank you for asking me to clarify- without your honesty, I wouldn’t have learned the important lesson that connecting authentically with a client is just as important as a fancy CBT technique.
Disclaimer: This is not intended to be an exhaustive list and does not take the place of working with a licensed professional counselor.
