High Control Groups and The Good Girl
According to Krystal Shipps, LPC, PLPC, in Psychotherapy Network, a high control group requires the following:
1. Fierce loyalty to members
2. Obedience without questioning authority figures
3. An “us versus them” mentality where outsiders are not trusted
4. Extreme, black-and-white thinking
5. Suppressing individuality for the sake of securing a place in the group
High control groups are often led by one charismatic leader. Sometimes the leader creates a tightly controlled leadership team to reinforce the rules. People don’t typically wake up and decide to join a high control group. Your initial experiences with the group are typically positive. You experience a flood of attention, affirmation, and promises that you belong. It feels so great to be seen, wanted, and pursued! This is especially appealing if you’ve recently experienced a major life transition such as moving, going to school, ending a significant relationship, or surviving a traumatic event. So, when your intuition whispers, “Something’s off about this,” you ignore. The leaders are confident; they promise simple solutions to your loneliness, confusion, guilt, shame, or sense of unworthiness. And if you challenge them, you are met with a thought-terminating cliché, a term created by Robert Jay Lifton (Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism, 1961). The thought-terminating cliché is designed to distract, discourage critical thinking, and shut down the conversation.
Your ability to obey and assimilate becomes connected to your survival. You figure out that following the rules means:
belonging
attention and praise
validation from those in power
simple answers to complicated questions
a false sense of security that everything will work out
trusting external authority rather than your own intuition
You sacrificed and submitted. But the reward never came and the empty promises of the leaders remain unfulfilled. So what now?
Leaving a high control environment is like free falling. You will make mistakes, you will feel guilty, and eventually you will let yourself feel angry. Let’s figure out this wilderness together. I would love to support you as you navigate transitioning out of a high control group. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and time to rebuild a safe, healthy support system and unlearn destructive messages that you picked up along the way. For high control recovery and trauma counseling in Carrollton, Texas, contact me.
Sometimes, your intrusive anxious thoughts about being “good” or “moral” are a form of OCD called scrupulosity. For more information about scrupulosity and other OCD subtypes, check on my page about OCD.